Dr. Ama: Wolf Conflict

Don and I continued to send each other letters throughout the past two years, but they recently slowed to a stop. As you get older and live different ways, friendships tend to drift off. It’s one of my least favorite parts of growing up. Instead of talking about things with Don, I started to keep a journal, so I could keep track of my progress. I could also be more honest about my work and myself.

12 Years Ago:

1
Month of The Birch Tree:
These trees were believed to drive away evil influences. They represent the first month of a new year to start everyone off on a pure note.

If I’m going to start off right, I need to stop lying about Yuaad. I am a flimsy, incapable dinosaur. I tell Don that she and I are only friends. I can tell that Yuaad and I are closer than that, and she can tell I’m unsure about anything between us. I’m too afraid to tell her how I really feel.

When I first came here on the island, I saw Yuaad as an animal. She lived in the jungle behind my laboratory, she didn’t wear clothes, and she was self-sufficient. She could talk to me just fine – she used to live in a community, she was intelligent, but I only saw her as an animal. And frankly, when she called the lobster that we caught together our ‘pet’ I laughed, because I still considered her a ‘pet’ here.

Just a month ago, we had a really nice day together. As we split ways for the night, she held her hand out and stuck two of her fingers up at me. I knew too well what the gesture meant, so I stuck up two of my fingers, but split them apart to make a peace sign instead. I’m sure she expected me to make the same gesture back at her, but I didn’t feel the same way.

I was not going to fall in love with a pet, and despite what I told Don, I did not always feel as though she was on the same intellectual level on us. She was primitive! And luckily she cannot read this. But she is intellectual, despite how I feel. It’s only my attitude and assumptions that are putting her on a lower level, and I know that’s wrong.

I couldn’t tell Don I thought of an intellectual animal as a pet. He had enough trouble being the only badger to show some interest in intellectual conquest. I know people that think of him as an animal, just because of his species. How cruel would it be, as his one close, true friend, to show that I still thought some other creatures were on a lower intellectual level, when they truly were intellectual? There were plenty of wolves at our school, and they were all very smart! It’s only the way that I found her on this island that make me think so poorly of her.

I truly dislike that about myself. In honor of the Birch tree, I will try to think of her from this point on as an equal.

One related story Yuaad told me about was of her brother from her old village, on an island far away. Foxes, wolves, and a few other species managed to live together, but they had a problem. They didn’t see each other as equals, so hatred and tension rose between the groups.

Her brother was one of the few that could see past the prejudice of their time. He felt detached from his own species, as a blind and mute wolf, but he didn’t belong to the foxes either. He only fit in with other village outcasts, and became close with a fox. The two had a child in secret, but the child had many physical problems because of the differences between the two species, and was not expected to survive.

The mother did not believe in pursuing equality between the wolves and foxes as much as Yuaad’s brother did. She turned on him, and even abandoned their child. Yuaad’s brother was accused of rape, and her family was under attack. With her brother’s approval, she fled the village, and has been staying here ever since. She was disgusted with how awful people were.

We both came here to escape people. And despite my once-held prejudices, we’re happier here, even if we haven’t completely escaped humanity.